Play this in the background while reading:

January 1, 2024. I looked deep within myself for a New Year’s resolution. What could I change within myself that would bear the most fruit? What flaws could I eradicate from my body and mind? What beneficial habits could I introduce into my life that would increase my well being? I thought long and hard. In the end, I made a decision that would alter my life trajectory in ways I could never foresee. On January 1, 2024, I made a commitment to rid my soul of fear and shame. To bask in the delicious nectar of life’s choices unburdened and unmasked. To boldly go where few dare – I decided to start drinking hard ciders in public. 

Okay, it wasn’t that courageous of a decision. And it didn’t really change my life at all. It was a semi-joking, semi-serious resolution. I never seriously followed any New Year’s resolution so I figured embracing a tasty hard cider every once in a while would be funny. Prior to this resolution, I hadn’t even received any true mockery or shaming due to a drink ordered. But perhaps I created my own dialogue of subtle shame for ordering something so sweet and delicious when other heartier and traditional beers and concoctions were offered on a menu. Nonetheless, when I want a hard cider, or any drink for that matter, I think back to my resolution and order it. 

Yesterday, I was grabbing dinner at a local pizza spot in San Diego. While I don’t drink alcohol that frequently, I always enjoy the varied and atypical selection this establishment carries. I walked in to the restaurant with composure and intent similar to Paul Atreides walking into the great cavern of thousands of Fremen. Paul was on a holy mission. He knew that to properly execute his task he had to abandon his fears and choose his words perfectly to show his followers the severity of his devotion. This is how I walked into the pizza shop. As I walked, I breathed fully, my gaze fixed poignantly ahead, never wavering. With a calm aggression, I rejected any notion or thoughts of fear that arose in my mind. 

“Only a fool orders a cider…”

“Is that drink truly what you desire…”

“What kind of man have you become…”

Nothing to me. I stayed the path I knew I was meant to follow. I approached the counter and locked eyes with the woman working the cashier. My eyes blazed a crazed spiced blue. I summoned The Voice. With no hesitation or doubt, I spoke the words that echoed through the restaurant with a deep and eternal reverberation. 

“Can I please have the Triberry Cider…”

The cashier unflinchingly nodded. Not a word spoken. But she knew the time had come at last. As she retrieved the Cider, I stood absolutely still, not daring to break the still harmony lingering after my order. Finally, she bequeathed upon me the greatest drink in all of the Imperium (Imperial Beach, CA). I wrapped my fingers around the frigid container, feeling the condensation and sweat drip down the outside as the can struggled to retain such wonderful flavor.

As I sat down I figured the whole restaurant eagerly awaited what I would do next. I only had eyes for the can. My mouth watered with the thought of impending satiation. I grabbed the metal tab, braced my feet, and summoned every muscle in my body to lift the tab up, puncturing the metal opening. 

An almighty pressure burst forth from the can. Millennia, evolution, and providence worked together in a symphonic harmony to produce this timeless beverage. Was I ready for what was to come? Of course. It is my destiny. With nerves of steel and an unwavering faith, I raised the can and took my first sip.

I closed my eyes. Silence. It was as if every molecule in the universe froze to grant me space  to taste. So I tasted. The triberry cider washed over my tongue, coated every crevice in my mouth, danced between my bi-forcated uvula (look it up), and journeyed down to its dark resting place. 

I opened my eyes. Back to reality. My verdict on the cider emerging, unbiased and true. What could I possibly say about this cider? Probably something like this:

“It was okay. Alright, I guess. I’ve had better. Meh.”

If you’re wondering: yes that was a real resolution, yes I did actually drink a mediocre cider last night, and yes I did just watch Dune on the plane. What a freaking good soundtrack.