Every fourth of July my family gets a cabin up north in Minnesota. About 15 of us all stay in a big house, eat more food than we probably should, hang out at the lake, and play buck euchre. 

For almost two decades, my family has followed this tradition and it has always been one of the happiest and looked-forwarded too events of my summers. Simple living. This gathering also serves as a remembrance for my Uncle, Todd, who passed away 17 years ago when I was 12. Even if we don’t always talk about him at this point in our lives, his memory is still with us all. I can’t help but think about how nice it would be to know him as an adult myself. 

This fourth of July celebration is one of the few times every year where we all join as a family to spend time together. It is probably the most significant gathering as it lasts multiple days. Everyone shows up ready to kick up their feet and take advantage of the Minnesota summer sun. The magic of a Minnesota summer at the cabin is always on full display. Even though it has been unbearably hot lately, getting to walk around the trees and water is about as peaceful as life gets.

This year marked the first year I was able to attend a July Fourth get-together since 2019. For all the reasons above, I was always disappointed in my inability to show up over the past five summers. I missed out on a lot of family time. Changes in life are accelerated with each missed opportunity to share stories in person. 

So, as I transition out of the Navy this summer, I am deliberately trying to slow down the rate of divergence in my relationships. Six years seemingly disappears in the blink of an eye yet I know I have missed out on a lot in the lives of family and friends. Baseball games, weddings, holidays, music performances, etc. It is impossible to quantify the exact amount of time and connection – the opportunity-relationship-cost – that I have lost. I don’t regret my decisions in life at all, but I would be lying if I said these thoughts didn’t weigh heavy at times. 

I got to spend time with Lilly’s family and my family this year over the holiday. The weekend was filled with so many small moments of love and connection like cruising around the lake on the pontoon, watching Lilly beat me, my uncle, and father at buck euchre, and sitting in the porch talking. These are the simple moments where I always want to be present in the future. I want to be present as a son, nephew, cousin, and sibling. I want to forge relationships and connections with my family and friends that have consistency and depth. This is easy to wish for, much more difficult to pursue in reality. It is easy to get swept away in the river of life and forget that simple moments with people I am close to are most important. 

Overall, I still feel such a strong connection with my friends and family back in Minnesota and the midwest in general. Minnesota will always be my home. I have been away from home for a long time and I am ready to be back. Well technically, I am in Chicago. But that is much closer than San Diego. I feel an urge to make up for time that I lost while I was in the Navy. I am just tired of saying “no” to things and missing out on moments in life. 

There was a beautiful moment this weekend where I looked out into the porch from inside our cabin and saw my mother, aunt, and grandmother talking together. It is crazy how much life these three people have lived together. Yet they still sit, puzzle, talk, and laugh for hours. And I am sure Uncle Todd is looking down at them smiling, joining in with their laughter.